You’ve chosen to just stand still until everything’s serene and composed. You think that it’s the right thing to do after all the mishaps you’ve recently experienced. But as you stand there, waiting for the horizon to clear up, things are getting mistier.

“How ironic” is all you can just say to yourself.

As you look a few years back, you’ve realized that this is a familiar scenario. But things were not exactly the same as before. The previous you, having that kind of situation, just settled on the next available option. The safe one. You didn’t regret it but you knew it wasn’t exactly what you were looking for. And now having the kind of same situation, you’re still the same confused person but you have one thing in mind. You’re not going to just settle again. No, you’re not.

There are a lot of things to say. A lot of stories to share. But you just chose to keep things to yourself, and to your close friends. Yes, you blabbed bits and pieces to your unknown audience but you keep everything vague and nonspecific. Why? Because you feel that your unknown audience include the person/s involved in your recent predicament. Which makes things so hard. So now you’re thanking your private blog to keep yourself sane from all of this inanity.

So where does that leave you now? You might not know the best answer for that question, but you’re still sticking up with your previous decision. You’ll wait for the hazy road to clear up. You’ll just wait.

So lately, I became addicted to the TV show How I Met Your Mother. Yeah I know, why just now? I dunno. I’ve been hearing a lot of raves about this show for the longest time but I guess I just didn’t find time to really watch it.

The show is basked in awesomeness. Funny (understatement) yet realistic. And let me quote Barney Stinson, it’s legend… -wait for it- DARY. Legendary. Hrhr.

So aside from the story itself, I also love the characters of the show. Lily and Marshall are way too funny. Robin’s gorgeous. Barney’s awesome. And Ted’s freakin’ drop dead gorgeous. Hahaha okay fine, you may not agree with me, but I have a fangirl crush on him.

Also, I have noticed that he looks like Mark Paul Gosselaar (Zach of Saved By The Bell) which by the way I also have a fangirl crush on. Saved By The Bell, the original class, is another A to the wesome show.

I don’t know if it is just me but I also think that Ted (or Josh Radnor IRL) also looks like Adam Garcia. At some angles, perhaps? And yes, if you know me personally, you would know that I am HEAD OVER HEELS with Adam Garcia.

Ok so what’s the point of this blog post. Nothing really. It just amazed me that the 3 of my biggest Holly to the wood crushes kinda look like each other. But that is not applicable IRL. My ex-boyfriends look differently from each other. I dunno why. Lol.

(Josh Radnor-Mark Gosselaar-Adam Garcia)

Be the judge lol.

I thought that this week of no work would just mean a whole week of being a couch potato. I kinda prepared for it by buying the 4 seasons of How I Met Your Mother and some chick flick DVDs last Saturday.

However, things didn’t turn out to be that way.

I’ve been in and out of Makati since Monday. Haven’t been there for some time though. Oh which reminds me, I have to be there by 5 pm today. Woohoo!

Long lines are crazy long especially when you’re trying to get yourself registered for the upcoming elections at the last minute. It was exhausting. Good thing I saw some of my sister’s friends (who were SK Kagawad and Chairman) because they made my waiting time cut in half. *wink*

Lastly, How I Met Your Mother is freakin awesome! Hahaha! I guess some things are late appreciated. Lol. Even though I’m dead tired because of my activities during the day, I can’t stop watching this series till 4 in the morning. So say hello to sleep deprivation.

Okay there. I guess it became a productive week for me. But ugh, 4 more days and I’m back to work. =/

Today marks the start of my 1 week of vacation from work. That would be 9 days in total if you”ll include my 4 rest days. Yay!

I don’t have any plans of going out of town but instead, I just want to rest and stay home for that whole week. Well, not really stay home cos I need to go to QC Hall and get myself registered for the upcoming election. *facepalm* Yes, I am a crammer like that.

My week will consist of mostly being a couch potato. I wanna start watching How I Met Your Mother (since everyone’s been talking about it and I know I’m missing half of my life for not watching it lol) so I decided to get myself a copy of the 4 seasons of that series. Plus some chick flicks that I failed to watch in the big screen (Ugly Truth, He’s Just Not That Into You, Hannah Montana The Movie and Confessions of a Shopaholic).

I really had a DVD hoarding at Quiapo last Saturday afternoon with the office mates. The sun was at its peak when we went there. We also have to go to Recto for some stuff so can you just imagine how tiring that day was. When I went home, I just sat on the sofa and the next thing I remember was I woke up at 12 in the midnight and was freakin’ surprised that I slept without even changing my clothes. Freakin’ gross. But I took a bath before hitting the sack again. Hrhr.

Lazy Sunday is lazy. I just watched He’s Just Not That Into You (which is my new favorite movie and I have to do a separate blog post for this) while having breakfast. Did some household chores. Watched Glee’s latest episode and updated myself with what’s new with the intarwebs.

So I’m now off to start my HIMYM marathon. Plus some yummy dinnar! =)

Just when you thought that it’s the next best thing that could happen to you, you’ll realize that maybe it’s not. Something is just not quite right.

You have a hazy road ahead and you’re getting more apprehensive as you take a few steps forward. You’re afraid to take another risk because the last risk you’ve made just left you shattered and distressed.

Life is all about taking chances. Or so they say.

So where do you go from here? Maybe you’ll just choose to just stand still and be passive until things become serene and composed.

Yes, maybe that’s the right thing to do for now. For now.

You know what’s hard? It’s when some of the people involved in your present predicament knows the url of your blog. You’re paranoid that they might once in a while take a peek in this blog, that is if they’re somehow interested.

It’s my fault anyway. I shouldn’t have posted the url on my Facebook account. But hey, blogs are made for reading. But not all the time, I guess.

I remember the last time I’ve had a “diary”. I was in 3rd year high school. Then the blog came after. I miss those times wherein I could just name drop and blog all the things I wanna say. I could do that today, that is if I wanna ruin things and create issues.

So, I am kicking things the old school way. I’ve created a livejournal account. Haha! Yeah, old school indeed. I think I need a space where I could be who I am. Not thinking of the people who might read what I am trying to write. Things are way too complicated for me to elaborate stuff here.

Yes I am a girl with a lot of issues. But hey! I am not talking about the recent ex boyfran here lol. I have other issues. Which makes me go crazy at times. So I really need a private blog.

I’ve done this before. But the purpose of private blogging was defeated since it just became a sappy blog of all sorts. Heh.

I’m not leaving wordpress. As if anyone would care. Wouldn’t you?

I was randomly listening to my iPod’s playlist one morning when I came across these two songs which were surprisingly in succeeding order.

This was exactly my story just a month ago:

When The Last Teardrop Falls – Blaque

It’s so hard to lose the one you love
To finally have to say goodbye
You try to be strong but the pain keeps holdin’ on
And all that you can do is cry
Deep within your heart you know it’s time to move on
When the fairy tale that you once knew is gone

When the last tear drop falls
I’ll still be holdin’ on to all of our memories
And all of what used to be
When the last tear drop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you’re here with me in my heart
When the last tear drop falls

So now I’m alone and life keeps movin’ on
But my destination still unknown, oh yeah
Will there be a time when I’ll fall in love again?
When I was meant to walk these streets alone
If there was just one wish I could be granted here tonight
It would be to have you right back by my side

And this is me now: (Except for the “asking me back” part. Cos it never happened. Lol.)

Doin’ Just Fine – Boyz II Men

There was a time when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didnt want to have to go out
And see you walking by
One look and Id break right down and cry
Now you say that youve made a big mistake
Never meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired apologies
cause it may seem hard to believe

Im doin just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I dont need you in my life
Im doin just fine
Time made me stronger
Youre no longer on my mind
You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave me love to only you
Anything youd ask of me
I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather
And told me that you had to journey on
A kiss in the wind and your love was gone
Now you say you never meant to play your games
Girl, dont you know its far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have a heart

When you said goodbye
I felt so all alone
There were times at night I couldnt sleep
My heart was much to weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery
And pain you put me through
So unfair to me girl
You’re no longer my world
And I ain’t missing you at all

That probably says it all. =) Looking back, it’s been a month. A lot of things had happened. When you come to think of it, things that started as a mistake, will always end up wrong. So if you wanna be happy, start things right and uh, slow? Lol.

Or perhaps, unblogged.

Let’s just put it this way, there are a lot of things going on and you’ve been itching to blog every detail of the story, just like what you always do. But as you are about to hit the New Post button on the upper right corner of your screen, you’ll just suddenly change your mind for one specific reason: you want to remain discreet, somehow.

I’ve always been an open book to everyone and my friends could really attest to that. Ask me anything and I wouldn’t hesitate to share whatever it is that you wanna know about me.

But this time, it’s gonna be different. I don’t know what’s eating me, but whenever I am to discuss about this certain issue that I am having right now, I suddenly hold back and keep my mouth shut. Keeping my mouth shut would be applicable here in my blog. I chose not to write about it. Even though a lot of my friends knew about it already, I still wanna keep things guarded.

Sometimes, no matter how vast the internet is, you would still feel that things are getting attenuated and constricted. Things like these make you wanna hide under another nook wherein nobody could see you and just let it all out. Nobody really reads this blog but I know that the people involved in this story are frequenting here in my blog. Haha! Gotcha! Gut feel is all it takes. I just knew you’re reading this.

Sounds familiar right? Cos I had already abandoned this blog for a private blog a couple of months ago. No, I’ll still be lurking here in this blog and in my tumblr. Creating a private blog is kinda meh to me right now even though I really need it.

———-

I’ve created this post 3 days ago. I just didn’t have time to finish it and it just remained to be a draft.

I just found out something related to this *issue* a couple of hours ago which made me wanna go hide and never be seen again. Yeah, I’m so high school minded like that. But I’ll just quote the ex-boyfran regarding this, “It’s up to you to make as awkward as it could get or you could just act normal”. Thanks for the words of advice. =)

If only I had been more careful. Oh well. Enough of this high school dramz.

P.S. I’m again not making any sense at all. I’m trying so hard to be discreet you know. Sigh.

You can learn a lot about someone by the music they listen to. So here is the game! Hit shuffle on your ipod or mp3 player and write down the first 25 songs. No cheating or skipping songs that are shameful. That is the fun!

1. Just Stand Up – Various Artists
2. Walk Away – Paula DeAnda
3. Bartender – T-Pain
4. Sweet Dreams – Beyonce
5. Give It To Me – Timbaland
6. Can’t Help But Wait – Trey Songz
7. Just Dance – Lady Gaga
8. Fallin For You- Gabe Bondoc
9. Spotlight- Jennifer Hudson
10. Hoedown Throwdown – Miley Cyrus
11. Just My Imagination – Craig David
12. I Bruise Easily – Natasha Bedingfield
13. Umbrella – Rihanna
14. Candy – Mandy Moore
15. Closer I Get To You – MYMP
16. Broken Strings – Airto Edmundo
17. Stick With You – Pussycat Dolls
18. Take A Bow – Glee
19. Allow Me To Introduce Myself – White Tie Affair
20. What A Girl Wants – Christina Aguilera
21. Heartless – Kanye West
22. Ready to Fall – Joey Fatone
23. Say You’ll Be There – Spice Girls
24. Before I Let You Go – Sarah Geronimo
25. Mechanic – Sammie

Okay, okay. You could easily tell that I’m into RnB. And don’t judge me with the Sarah Geronimo song. I was wondering while doing this meme if a Sarah G. song would appear. And there you go! Hahaha!

And just so recently, blame that On The Line movie, I suddenly wanted to listen to several 90’s pop hits. And guess who just created a Mandy Moore and Christina Aguilera playlist? Oh well, I am so loving this high school feeling.

So there. I’ve just seen this meme around the intarwebs for some time. Might as well give it a try.

I was browsing my old multiply account then I saw this blog post. I got this from peyups.com. I dunno why I posted it at that time. Maybe I was just bowled over with the story. Wait, it’s not that I can relate with this right now. I just think it deserved some space in this blog. Hrhrhr.

It was the first time in months since you had more than eight hours of sleep. You remember cuddling yourself to dreamland last night right after dinner. It felt damn good to wake up at four in the morning – the sun wasn’t in sight yet, the air was sorta chilly, and for the first time, the thought of rushing to school (late) or doing something to beat a deadline didn’t occupy your mind upon waking up. It was the second week of September, and though the semester was drawing to a close, things were surprisingly stress-free.

You reached for a book you’ve been trying to finish for more than a couple of months now. It was a supposedly postmodern, gay novel with scandalous periwinkle blue covers and pictures of two middle-age guys cuddling. You’re almost halfway through the book: now you read as the main character and his ex lied in their usual spoon position while listening to some music. Their spoon position.

You felt a sudden twitch of pain.

You remember you also had your usual spoon position. The few times you’ve slept over at his house, you’d sleep like this. Him hugging you from behind while you both enjoy cozy music from his computer. This was how you’d be positioned before saying your good night’s and giving (and getting) your good night kisses. This was how you’d wake up, too – still in his arms, still with the music, still together.

Then Someone decided to join in on the fun. You heard your song being played out loud by your next-door neighbor. Who on earth would be playing such a sappy love song at five in the morning, your inner voice asked. And at this lovely moment too, you sarcastically added.

Unconsciously, you started feeling sad again. Although you’d convinced yourself several times that it wouldn’t work, you just couldn’t help but feel sorry for the failed relationship. You were pretty positive you made the right decision, and while weeks ago, you were already certain you’d moved on, it still came down to the fact that perhaps there’s really no such thing as fully moving on. And that the closest you could get to it was being almost over that person.

Then you received a text message from the person who made it easier for you to let go. He showed you that although love wasn’t constantly trouble-free, it doesn’t have to be perpetually painful and difficult either. And quite importantly, he was willing to wait. You smiled and prepared to reach for the phone so you could call him up right away. You bookmarked the page where you stopped reading. The song from next door, meanwhile, got stuck.

Pirated, sheesh, you hissed.

The moment he picked up, even before saying hello, you cried, “Thank you!”

And you meant it absolutely.

Taken from: http://peyups.com/article.khtml?sid=4036