Amnesia about particular events that is very convenient for the person who cannot remember.

This usually happens whenever a person had a traumatic experience that they just want to remove from their memory. Or it could be something that you wouldn’t wanna have associations in your life that you just choose to completely forget it.

Some people choose to completely erase you in their lives. It seems that friendship or just being plain acquaintance is too much to ask. It’s not only you who’s being forgotten, but also the people who were once involved in your lives. I shouldn’t have made the first move to patch things up. I shouldn’t have swallowed my pride so just not to waste the ruined friendship. You’re really not worth it.

There are things that you regret in your life. Things you wish didn’t happen. People you wish you didn’t know. Decisions you shouldn’t have made in the first place. But hey, mistakes provide us lessons to learn and they aren’t meant to be done again.

I really should have known better.

Sometimes, things happen when you least expect it.

I’ve made that tweet 3 months ago. I was in a major dilemma that time so I decided to watch a movie that would always make me laugh at 3 in the morning. At some part of that film (the part which I think I could relate to), I suddenly burst into tears. It’s a good thing that it was 3 in the morning and no one witnessed my ~emo~ moment.

So yesterday, I finally had time watching Glee’s episode 9 and 10. I’ve already mentioned that I am a big Glee fan and that show never failed to make me giddy every time I watch it.

I was LOL-ing so hard on episode 10 cos it was a funny episode. You know, Rachel having a student crush on Mr. Schuester and Kurt (my gay crush) doing some moves on Finn.

At the end of the episode, they’ve performed Michael Bolton’s Lean On Me. I felt something different when they started singing the song. I became teary-eyed and I was trying so hard to fight back those tears, But I couldn’t hold it any longer and so I started crying like a little girl. Thank God I watched it at home (and I was all alone) and not in the office. I watched that part over and over again, and I think I stopped crying after watching it for the 5th time. Like seriously.

I am usually giddy every time I watch a group performance of this show (Gold Digger, The Mashup Episode etc), but I was surprised on my reaction on this particular performance. I even downloaded the video on my iPod and I still can’t resist watching it all over again. Minus the tears, of course.

I dunno if I was just carried away on how good they sang that particular song, or maybe, the suppressed feelings that I’ve been keeping for months now suddenly came out.

How ironic that the show that became my happy pill during my low times suddenly became an instrument to finally let out this kept feeling. I’ve been in denial for months now and I really didn’t know that it was still there. Not until recently.

Or am I just being shallow here? Lol.

There. I wanted to post that video here but it was already removed in Youtube. Hrhrhrhr. You could see there how happy they are singing that song. Heh.

So I’m now off to do a re-run of Glee episodes.

Err, lost what? Let me just put it this way.

What transpired last week really got me thinking. Just when I thought that everything was finally falling into place, you’ll realize that at the end of the day, the puzzle pieces still don’t fit together — no matter how much effort you put into it.

And all of these realization happened in just a snap. You suddenly felt indifferent which was totally the opposite of what you’re feeling the other week. Or the past few months perhaps. (Not really indifferent, indifferent. Just a notch or two lower than what you’re feeling before, if you know what I mean). Maybe I’m just fickle-minded like that, or perhaps my previous hazy road suddenly began to clear up.

Yes, this is related to the Hazy Road post. Yes, it is but yet another one of my vague posts. You can just assume at your own risk.

This may not be a bad thing at all. Cos maybe I was just forcing things to happen when they aren’t meant to concur. Spontaneity is the key here. And not some forced attraction.

So there, I think I just lost it, my mind that is. Lol kidding! What I lost is my recent irrational self. Or my back to high school kinda feeling.

You’ve chosen to just stand still until everything’s serene and composed. You think that it’s the right thing to do after all the mishaps you’ve recently experienced. But as you stand there, waiting for the horizon to clear up, things are getting mistier.

“How ironic” is all you can just say to yourself.

As you look a few years back, you’ve realized that this is a familiar scenario. But things were not exactly the same as before. The previous you, having that kind of situation, just settled on the next available option. The safe one. You didn’t regret it but you knew it wasn’t exactly what you were looking for. And now having the kind of same situation, you’re still the same confused person but you have one thing in mind. You’re not going to just settle again. No, you’re not.

There are a lot of things to say. A lot of stories to share. But you just chose to keep things to yourself, and to your close friends. Yes, you blabbed bits and pieces to your unknown audience but you keep everything vague and nonspecific. Why? Because you feel that your unknown audience include the person/s involved in your recent predicament. Which makes things so hard. So now you’re thanking your private blog to keep yourself sane from all of this inanity.

So where does that leave you now? You might not know the best answer for that question, but you’re still sticking up with your previous decision. You’ll wait for the hazy road to clear up. You’ll just wait.

So lately, I became addicted to the TV show How I Met Your Mother. Yeah I know, why just now? I dunno. I’ve been hearing a lot of raves about this show for the longest time but I guess I just didn’t find time to really watch it.

The show is basked in awesomeness. Funny (understatement) yet realistic. And let me quote Barney Stinson, it’s legend… -wait for it- DARY. Legendary. Hrhr.

So aside from the story itself, I also love the characters of the show. Lily and Marshall are way too funny. Robin’s gorgeous. Barney’s awesome. And Ted’s freakin’ drop dead gorgeous. Hahaha okay fine, you may not agree with me, but I have a fangirl crush on him.

Also, I have noticed that he looks like Mark Paul Gosselaar (Zach of Saved By The Bell) which by the way I also have a fangirl crush on. Saved By The Bell, the original class, is another A to the wesome show.

I don’t know if it is just me but I also think that Ted (or Josh Radnor IRL) also looks like Adam Garcia. At some angles, perhaps? And yes, if you know me personally, you would know that I am HEAD OVER HEELS with Adam Garcia.

Ok so what’s the point of this blog post. Nothing really. It just amazed me that the 3 of my biggest Holly to the wood crushes kinda look like each other. But that is not applicable IRL. My ex-boyfriends look differently from each other. I dunno why. Lol.

(Josh Radnor-Mark Gosselaar-Adam Garcia)

Be the judge lol.

I thought that this week of no work would just mean a whole week of being a couch potato. I kinda prepared for it by buying the 4 seasons of How I Met Your Mother and some chick flick DVDs last Saturday.

However, things didn’t turn out to be that way.

I’ve been in and out of Makati since Monday. Haven’t been there for some time though. Oh which reminds me, I have to be there by 5 pm today. Woohoo!

Long lines are crazy long especially when you’re trying to get yourself registered for the upcoming elections at the last minute. It was exhausting. Good thing I saw some of my sister’s friends (who were SK Kagawad and Chairman) because they made my waiting time cut in half. *wink*

Lastly, How I Met Your Mother is freakin awesome! Hahaha! I guess some things are late appreciated. Lol. Even though I’m dead tired because of my activities during the day, I can’t stop watching this series till 4 in the morning. So say hello to sleep deprivation.

Okay there. I guess it became a productive week for me. But ugh, 4 more days and I’m back to work. =/

Today marks the start of my 1 week of vacation from work. That would be 9 days in total if you”ll include my 4 rest days. Yay!

I don’t have any plans of going out of town but instead, I just want to rest and stay home for that whole week. Well, not really stay home cos I need to go to QC Hall and get myself registered for the upcoming election. *facepalm* Yes, I am a crammer like that.

My week will consist of mostly being a couch potato. I wanna start watching How I Met Your Mother (since everyone’s been talking about it and I know I’m missing half of my life for not watching it lol) so I decided to get myself a copy of the 4 seasons of that series. Plus some chick flicks that I failed to watch in the big screen (Ugly Truth, He’s Just Not That Into You, Hannah Montana The Movie and Confessions of a Shopaholic).

I really had a DVD hoarding at Quiapo last Saturday afternoon with the office mates. The sun was at its peak when we went there. We also have to go to Recto for some stuff so can you just imagine how tiring that day was. When I went home, I just sat on the sofa and the next thing I remember was I woke up at 12 in the midnight and was freakin’ surprised that I slept without even changing my clothes. Freakin’ gross. But I took a bath before hitting the sack again. Hrhr.

Lazy Sunday is lazy. I just watched He’s Just Not That Into You (which is my new favorite movie and I have to do a separate blog post for this) while having breakfast. Did some household chores. Watched Glee’s latest episode and updated myself with what’s new with the intarwebs.

So I’m now off to start my HIMYM marathon. Plus some yummy dinnar! =)

Just when you thought that it’s the next best thing that could happen to you, you’ll realize that maybe it’s not. Something is just not quite right.

You have a hazy road ahead and you’re getting more apprehensive as you take a few steps forward. You’re afraid to take another risk because the last risk you’ve made just left you shattered and distressed.

Life is all about taking chances. Or so they say.

So where do you go from here? Maybe you’ll just choose to just stand still and be passive until things become serene and composed.

Yes, maybe that’s the right thing to do for now. For now.

You know what’s hard? It’s when some of the people involved in your present predicament knows the url of your blog. You’re paranoid that they might once in a while take a peek in this blog, that is if they’re somehow interested.

It’s my fault anyway. I shouldn’t have posted the url on my Facebook account. But hey, blogs are made for reading. But not all the time, I guess.

I remember the last time I’ve had a “diary”. I was in 3rd year high school. Then the blog came after. I miss those times wherein I could just name drop and blog all the things I wanna say. I could do that today, that is if I wanna ruin things and create issues.

So, I am kicking things the old school way. I’ve created a livejournal account. Haha! Yeah, old school indeed. I think I need a space where I could be who I am. Not thinking of the people who might read what I am trying to write. Things are way too complicated for me to elaborate stuff here.

Yes I am a girl with a lot of issues. But hey! I am not talking about the recent ex boyfran here lol. I have other issues. Which makes me go crazy at times. So I really need a private blog.

I’ve done this before. But the purpose of private blogging was defeated since it just became a sappy blog of all sorts. Heh.

I’m not leaving wordpress. As if anyone would care. Wouldn’t you?

I was randomly listening to my iPod’s playlist one morning when I came across these two songs which were surprisingly in succeeding order.

This was exactly my story just a month ago:

When The Last Teardrop Falls – Blaque

It’s so hard to lose the one you love
To finally have to say goodbye
You try to be strong but the pain keeps holdin’ on
And all that you can do is cry
Deep within your heart you know it’s time to move on
When the fairy tale that you once knew is gone

When the last tear drop falls
I’ll still be holdin’ on to all of our memories
And all of what used to be
When the last tear drop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you’re here with me in my heart
When the last tear drop falls

So now I’m alone and life keeps movin’ on
But my destination still unknown, oh yeah
Will there be a time when I’ll fall in love again?
When I was meant to walk these streets alone
If there was just one wish I could be granted here tonight
It would be to have you right back by my side

And this is me now: (Except for the “asking me back” part. Cos it never happened. Lol.)

Doin’ Just Fine – Boyz II Men

There was a time when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didnt want to have to go out
And see you walking by
One look and Id break right down and cry
Now you say that youve made a big mistake
Never meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired apologies
cause it may seem hard to believe

Im doin just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I dont need you in my life
Im doin just fine
Time made me stronger
Youre no longer on my mind
You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave me love to only you
Anything youd ask of me
I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather
And told me that you had to journey on
A kiss in the wind and your love was gone
Now you say you never meant to play your games
Girl, dont you know its far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have a heart

When you said goodbye
I felt so all alone
There were times at night I couldnt sleep
My heart was much to weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery
And pain you put me through
So unfair to me girl
You’re no longer my world
And I ain’t missing you at all

That probably says it all. =) Looking back, it’s been a month. A lot of things had happened. When you come to think of it, things that started as a mistake, will always end up wrong. So if you wanna be happy, start things right and uh, slow? Lol.